Written On Our Hearts: God, Love, Family

Mommy Tantrum!!

I’ve been feeling out of sorts lately. Not physically but emotionally and mentally.

Maybe because Hurricane Sandy just totally shook up our lives for two weeks where we were migrants back and forth to my parents’ houses and friends’ houses who had heat and power.

Maybe because Lexi got a cold right at that time and she’s still stuffy from it. No fever, eating normal, running around like a goof, her usual self so don’t think I need to get her antibiotics.

Maybe because I got a sinus infection and then Lexi’s cold on top of that and then sprained my ankle (yesterday).

Maybe because Art got another job. He’s still doing his home based business during the day, but he now also does roadside assistance (people with flat tires, keys locked in cars) at night. So, he sees us a bit in the mornings and then for an hour or so before Lexi goes to bed/his shift starts. So it’s been VERY busy and hectic here, feeling like a single mom (by the way, this just makes me admire them more).

Maybe because it’s been almost a year since we began adoption #2 and still nothing. And a year of waiting for the phone, a year of not knowing if our lives were suddenly going to change, a year of never really committing to anything long term since we may or may not have a newborn at some point is just wearing on me.

Lexi seems out of sorts too. Ever since the time change.

Stupid daylight savings.

She is waking up an hour to an hour and a half earlier than her usual and then complains of being tired all day and has these meltdowns.

She had a hard day at preschool yesterday because she was tired, would NOT follow directions. Which, of course, makes me feel like a horrible mom. Like why should we adopt again, I shouldn’t have another kid if I can’t get this one right!

Lexi’s teacher has mentioned that Lexi has issues with boundaries. And I agree 100%. I’ve noticed that about her since she was small. She gets so excited about things and just takes a leadership role so much that she barrels over other kids and even adults sometimes. She is very convinced that HER way is the ONLY way and everyone should listen to her.

Is this just part of being 3? She’s not a mean kid, even her teacher said she’s very sweet, caring and kind. It’s just that she doesn’t quite understand (or care?) when others just want to be left alone.

An example, we were at the playground the other day. She was playing with another little girl she had just met, who was also 3. Lexi dominated the conversation with “Let’s go in here (a playground structure), it will be our house. I will be the mom. You be the dad. Or the baby. Yeah, the baby. Ok. Let’s go. Come on, sweetie baby!” all the while gently pushing the little girl the way she wanted her to walk. I have to stress that Lexi wasn’t pushing to be mean or hurt the kid, she just had this determination that THIS is what they were going to play and THIS is where and you WILL follow along, little girl.

When the girl pulled away and said, “no,” Lexi got impatient and asked “why?” and said, “yes, let’s play it, YES!”

Of course, I over think this and imagine her at 13 angry with anything that doesn’t go her way.

She also is a very touchy/affectionate person. She loves cuddling and touch. She will sometimes, for example, just stroke another’s kids hair during library story time. When I tell her hands to herself, she tells me she just wanted to make him happy and hug/stroke/whatever.

She’ll take food off our plates, she’ll put food of hers she doesn’t like on our plates.

Stuff like this. And when she does these things we do put a stop to it and give a discipline for the serious ones. So, we aren’t encouraging it or just letting it go.

But it’s not getting through. It’s almost as if she physically can’t stop herself from getting in other people’s spaces.

We even talked about it this morning where we drew imaginary bubbles around us and talked about how we should never get in another person’s “bubble space” unless they ask us to or we ask them and they say yes.

We have also been talking about good choices/bad choices. She acknowledges she makes bad choices sometimes. I tell her that I do too, so does daddy, so does everyone! Since we are Christian, we also teach her that that’s why we need Jesus. He helps us stop making bad choices and takes the bad choices we do make and gets rid of them for us.

Her response (how cute is this!?) was: “Jesus takes our bad choices and-kachunk-throws them in Heaven’s garbage can!”

I’m going back and forth on work: to work full time/put Lexi in full time daycare; not work; work part time-if so, where….

Ha! I’m ready for things to just settle down and things are about to get crazy with the holidays!

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