Written On Our Hearts: God, Love, Family


Quick, while Naya’s actually sleeping on her own, Lexi watching a video.

Oops. Spoke too soon. Naya now sleeping on my chest, so excuse any typos!

Ok, catch my breath!

Naya turns 6 weeks old tomorrow (Saturday). Look at my cutie!

What a different baby she is from Lexi. Lexi was a calm, easy, rarely fussed or cried baby. Even when she did cry it was a soft whimper. Naya? Totally opposite. When she’s hungry, she goes from calm/sleeping to SCREAMING like she’s being scalded. No build-up, no gentle cries to warm up. 0 to DefCon 5 in 3 seconds.
She also increases her intensity rapidly. In a few seconds she is doing that gagging, coughing rapid wail of newborns that just drives you nuts. As soon as she feels the bottle on her mouth, it shuts off like a switch.

Lexi was also happy and calm anywhere: swing, bouncy seat, tummy time, floor time, whatever. Naya is a tough cookie, she is happiest while being held. She’ll tolerate the swing, bouncy, tummy time, etc. for maybe 5 minutes before she’s fussing and gets upset. Same with the car. As long as I’m driving, Naya is calm. As soon as my tires stop for a red light or traffic…..the wailing begins.
Lexi was very interested in everything around her such as her little rattles and playmat. Naya is too, but loses interest/gets overstimulated a lot quicker than Lexi at the same age.

I’m not complaining, I know each baby is different, just interesting comparing the two.
Naya was born at 35 weeks, so I’m not sure if that actually counts as a preemie since 37 is full term, well, 40 is full term, 37 ok to deliver. Right? Help me out those who’ve been pregnant.
Anyway, I have to keep reminding myself that even if she was only two weeks early, in the life and rapid development of a newborn, 2 weeks is significant. Think of the difference between a 2 week old and a 4 week old. So, even though she “turns” 6 weeks tomorrow, is she, developmentally, a 4 week old? I have to learn more about this. I think her due date was around late January/early February and she was actually born Dec. 29.
Aside from the wailing, she’s a sweet baby. She’s been with us for 4 weeks and she already knows me and Lexi really well (spends all day with us). Naya will follow me EVERYWHERE with her eyes when I’m not holding her and will fuss if she can’t see me after about 30 minutes. She maintains eye contact for a long time too.
We’ve gotten a couple of sort of smiles. Naya REALLY likes Lexi. If both of us are playing with her, she will keep her eyes on Lexi’s face. She looks for Lexi whenever she hears her voice. And those sort of smiles have mostly been directed at Lexi.
Lexi keeps asking, in wonder, “Does the baby really know me? Does the baby really love me?”
Lexi is adjusting very well. She loves playing with and talking to Naya, calls her “my little cutie” all the time. She’s also been very understanding when I have to postpone doing something with her while I feed, change or hold Naya. She seems to get that Naya needs more physical care than her now.
As far as sleep? What’s that? I know this is just a season, Naya won’t be waking every few hours to eat forever.
Also, I recall friends with more than one child joking about “poor neglected second child” but I never really got that…till I have a poor, neglected second child! I’m exaggerating, but still. With Lexi I was with her/holding her/playing with her ALL. THE. TIME. I did the baby flashcards, songs, Gymboree, took her out everywhere, talked to her constantly. All her outfits were cute and matching, even if we were just home for the day. I was meticulous about sterilizing bottles and pacifiers, having all the baby gear and having it all just so.
I’m much more laid back with Naya. It’s enough that she’s dressed in something warm, I don’t have time or the energy to worry about matchy-matchy cute this time! I don’t ignore Naya, but, by default, she gets less of me than Lexi did. When I’m playing with, teaching or being with Lexi Naya is in the bouncy or swing (for as long as she’ll tolerate it). I don’t talk directly TO Naya as I did to Lexi, but Naya does hear plenty of conversation between me and Lexi!
Lexi’s atmosphere was quiet and calm. Naya’s can be hectic and loud with a very energetic and loud preschool Lexi running around!
So, life is good and sweet, if hectic and exhausting.

To Bench or Not

In the past few months we’ve been presented with adoption situations that fell through, only one of which (thank God) where we had the baby-back in June. But still, thinking something’s a sure thing and then its not is tough.

We’ve been on the adoption roller coaster almost a year now. And it’s beginning to take its toll. It’s hard living this long on a “maybe.” It’s hard living this long not really being able to make plans, decide to go back to work or not, take that vacation or save that money for a baby….it’s hard living on the edge of this kind of push-pull tension this long.

We were presented with a situation way out of our price range a few weeks ago, we stepped out in faith and said yes….but then weren’t chosen.

We were presented with a situation to adopt a three year old girl, we stepped out in faith, said yes, then it didn’t work out. We didn’t get the details, just that the “situation was closed.”
And then today, we were presented with a situation slightly out of our price range. Baby girl born 12/29, birth mother utilized the safe haven laws and left the hospital, then when her social worker told her it would be better for the baby for her to sign adoption papers, she went back and did so. Her parental rights are already terminated, so no chance of her changing her mind and deciding to parent.

Birth father is unknown, one night stand.

Birth mother is HIV+ but the baby is testing negative at this point. It’s not considered 100% negative until a second viral test done at 12 months, but 98% of the newborn negative tests are true negatives, no HIV at all.
This little baby is staying in the hospital now as there is no where for her to go.

Anyway. I was at my MOPS meeting this morning and prayed for surrender, I let go the idea of a baby, decided it would be ok to be a mom of one, got prayer, felt good…and then the phone rang. I saw the area code for our agency and got butterflies. We conferenced in on the call with Art, who was at home working. Discussed it and hung up so Art and I could discuss it more in person.
I felt overjoyed, I really thought this was it.

Got home, Art wasn’t feeling so sure. The cost was making him nervous. Which I completely understand. And having another child is something you do NOT do unless both parents are 100% on board, at least when you have a choice like this.
Our social worker is talking to the birth mom’s lawyers and they are going to see if they can get the cost lowered, but they don’t think so. One reason is that even though the baby is testing negative for HIV, they still give routine preventative medicine which is VERY expensive and we’d be paying that hospital bill. I don’t know if our insurance would cover that, they might since the baby would be on our insurance “from birth.”
But anyway……of course, since we didn’t get all this figured out until late Friday afternoon, nothing was able to get done today. We are now waiting until Monday to hear back from the lawyers about the fees being lowered.

Our agency, however, said it doesn’t look good for them to go down.

I honestly don’t know what to do at this point and I feel like a failure for not knowing.
I have to admit, part of me wants to just bench ourselves and get out of this game altogether. Be done. One and done. A family of three with an AWESOME kid. Sell or donate all our baby stuff. I’d be able to head back to work full time in a year or less….keep the money we do have saved for an adoption as retirement and/or emergency funds.
And I don’t know if that’s the lazy way out. Because I don’t know how much more of these ups and downs, having a baby for a few minutes, days and then not I can take.

I honestly don’t know.

I will be praying this weekend about whether Art and I are done. Out of the adoption game.

We’ve thought about fostering instead, but that’s a whole other game and will not factor in our decision. We want to make a clear choice to close or keep open our adoption profile and not use fostering as a “last resort.”
I wish I could afford to go to a nice hotel this weekend and just sit in a whirlpool tub, get massages, sleep a LOT, eat decadent food and have someone else cleaning up my messes.
Remember those old commercials: “Calgon, take me away!”.
Yeah. It’s like that.

my thoughts on Newtown.

 As more facts come out, it seems that Adam Lanza was about to be involuntarily committed by his mother, she believed him to be a danger. He targeted the school because his mother volunteered there and he thought she loved the kids more than him. To me, this speaks of needing better mental health procedures.

I have a few friends who have troubled kids and have to fight tooth and nail for any help. This seems to be a mental health/health care system issue more than a gun issue. Lanza broke multiple laws, so if there were more laws, why would he obey them? And the argument that the guns shouldn’t be there, people shouldn’t be allowed to buy them…not sure that would work in reality. You are not "allowed" to buy heroin, but people do. Same with many other things. I think saying that gun laws and laws ALONE will stop mentally ill or evil people from doing evil things is ignoring human nature and what’s already going on.

Angry, troubled people will get what they want, be it drugs, guns or anything else. I’m afraid that focusing on gun laws ALONE will just allow things like this to happen again in the future because it ignores the underlying mental health issues. Our health care system is broken in many ways, especially in mental health. I know from experience with friends and family that these issues are often swept under the rug or looked at with rose colored glasses with a naive hope that things will get better on their own.

You hear of women trying to get protection from abusive husbands only to be told that nothing can be done until "something happens." Then something happens: they kill their wives. 

You hear of women suffering from post partum depression and fathers desperately trying to get help only to be told that "it’s just a phase" and then something happens: the women hurt or kill their children. 

You hear of mothers begging the health care system and courts for help with their troubled kids only to be told that nothing can be done until "something happens." Then "something" happens. Like Newton. 

Mental illness is NOT a stigma or something families should have to be ashamed of. A family member would not have to fight in the court system to get a loved one help for cancer or diabetes. 

Why so with mental illness? 

It’s time for mental health issues and health care issues to be brought into the spotlight. 

With that said, does this mean I think any and all guns should be allowed to be bought and sold? Of course not. Just as you can’t go out and buy a military grade vehicle, you shouldn’t be allowed to buy military grade semi automatic long guns. Handguns are another story. Hunting guns as well. 

Think about it. We can pass as many laws as we want to but a troubled person WILL find their way around them. If Lanza’s mother didn’t have guns in the home, would he have built a pipe bomb or a truck bomb like McVeigh in OK City? 

I also agree that there should be strict background checks for all gun ownership. If people had to go through the background checks and process that I went through to adopt a child in order to buy a gun….that might work! 

Should they be licensed? Of course. Should the owner have to demonstrate competence? Yes, just as you do before getting a drivers license. 

But, the sad truth is, even with all these safeguards evil people and troubled people will find ways around them. 

Yes, let’s talk about gun control. 

But let’s also talk about the underlying stigma and ignorance of mental illness. 


Catching Up

 I really want to write more. I do. 

But I don’t/forget. 

So, now I have to play "catch-up."

**Art and I agreed to keep Christmas modest to keep the focus on Jesus. In the future, I’d like to try and stick with this motto for presents for Lexi, "Something you want, something you need, something to wear, something to read and something for others to follow Jesus’ lead." By "something for others" I plan to have Lexi choose a toy to "sell" (we’ll donate it ) to raise money and then use that money to give through an organization or charity. 

But this year here’s what she’s getting from us (Grandma and Grandpa are another story!): 

Strawberry Shortcake Play do set 

National Geographic Big Book of Why

Tell Me About Heaven (book)

Strawberry Shortcake Doll Set

Melissa and Doug Horse Set (we got this at a consignment sale for $8)

Fisher Price Camping set for her doll house dolls (also a consignment sale find)

One of those magnetic note pad thingy’s where you draw with a magnet pen, then swipe a lever across to erase, Strawberry Shortcake themed. 

And then stocking stuffers: a cute travel cup with her name, wind-ups which she’s loved since she was 2, a plastic candy cane of skittles (her favorite candy), two little dolls for her doll house, a pez dispenser (tradition, every year she gets one) that is a replica of the truck for the grocery store where we shop-and YES, she actually asked for that! 

**In the adoption world, you are not told every time your profile goes out. You are only told when the agency wants to show you to a situation that is outside your stated preferences. Right now, we are being shown to two of those. 1. A baby girl due in March and 2. A three and a half year old girl in South Carolina. There’s a whole story to that one that I’ll tell in another entry IF we are chosen. 

And now I see why they don’t tell us whenever we are shown. It’s VERY hard knowing a birth mom is considering you to raise her child RIGHT NOW and waiting for the phone call or email. When we don’t know we are being shown, we kind of "forget" in a way and go about our daily life. Phone calls and emails are just run of the mill. But when we know we are being shown and waiting to hear…whew….every time I check email or the phone rings I get butterflies. 

**I’ve begun substitute teaching in the same district and school where I worked before Lexi. They asked me to come back that way and I get the courtesy of them calling me when a teacher is out before putting it out to all the other district subs. Also, if/when a position opens up in that building, I’ll be the first to know. If we are not placed with a child by next September I hope to go back to work full time so we can make some money. 

**Art’s been working a second job (in addition to his ebay business) doing roadside assistance and police towing. He likes the work, the hours? Not so much. He’s on call from 4:00 p.m. to 9:00 a.m. next morning. He can be at home, sleep, whatever, but if he gets a call, he’s gotta go. Some nights its crazy and he’s out on calls the whole night, some nights he only gets one or two calls. He’s hoping, after he works for this company for awhile, he can get on a day shift. 

Right now he works on his ebay business during the day, comes home, and is on call. He is usually getting calls in the late afternoon. Which means he doesn’t really see Lexi except for the mornings. It’s been hard, but we know its just a season. Lexi says, "I miss daddy," so sweet! 

I guess that’s all for now!

Mommy Tantrum!!

I’ve been feeling out of sorts lately. Not physically but emotionally and mentally.

Maybe because Hurricane Sandy just totally shook up our lives for two weeks where we were migrants back and forth to my parents’ houses and friends’ houses who had heat and power.

Maybe because Lexi got a cold right at that time and she’s still stuffy from it. No fever, eating normal, running around like a goof, her usual self so don’t think I need to get her antibiotics.

Maybe because I got a sinus infection and then Lexi’s cold on top of that and then sprained my ankle (yesterday).

Maybe because Art got another job. He’s still doing his home based business during the day, but he now also does roadside assistance (people with flat tires, keys locked in cars) at night. So, he sees us a bit in the mornings and then for an hour or so before Lexi goes to bed/his shift starts. So it’s been VERY busy and hectic here, feeling like a single mom (by the way, this just makes me admire them more).

Maybe because it’s been almost a year since we began adoption #2 and still nothing. And a year of waiting for the phone, a year of not knowing if our lives were suddenly going to change, a year of never really committing to anything long term since we may or may not have a newborn at some point is just wearing on me.

Lexi seems out of sorts too. Ever since the time change.

Stupid daylight savings.

She is waking up an hour to an hour and a half earlier than her usual and then complains of being tired all day and has these meltdowns.

She had a hard day at preschool yesterday because she was tired, would NOT follow directions. Which, of course, makes me feel like a horrible mom. Like why should we adopt again, I shouldn’t have another kid if I can’t get this one right!

Lexi’s teacher has mentioned that Lexi has issues with boundaries. And I agree 100%. I’ve noticed that about her since she was small. She gets so excited about things and just takes a leadership role so much that she barrels over other kids and even adults sometimes. She is very convinced that HER way is the ONLY way and everyone should listen to her.

Is this just part of being 3? She’s not a mean kid, even her teacher said she’s very sweet, caring and kind. It’s just that she doesn’t quite understand (or care?) when others just want to be left alone.

An example, we were at the playground the other day. She was playing with another little girl she had just met, who was also 3. Lexi dominated the conversation with “Let’s go in here (a playground structure), it will be our house. I will be the mom. You be the dad. Or the baby. Yeah, the baby. Ok. Let’s go. Come on, sweetie baby!” all the while gently pushing the little girl the way she wanted her to walk. I have to stress that Lexi wasn’t pushing to be mean or hurt the kid, she just had this determination that THIS is what they were going to play and THIS is where and you WILL follow along, little girl.

When the girl pulled away and said, “no,” Lexi got impatient and asked “why?” and said, “yes, let’s play it, YES!”

Of course, I over think this and imagine her at 13 angry with anything that doesn’t go her way.

She also is a very touchy/affectionate person. She loves cuddling and touch. She will sometimes, for example, just stroke another’s kids hair during library story time. When I tell her hands to herself, she tells me she just wanted to make him happy and hug/stroke/whatever.

She’ll take food off our plates, she’ll put food of hers she doesn’t like on our plates.

Stuff like this. And when she does these things we do put a stop to it and give a discipline for the serious ones. So, we aren’t encouraging it or just letting it go.

But it’s not getting through. It’s almost as if she physically can’t stop herself from getting in other people’s spaces.

We even talked about it this morning where we drew imaginary bubbles around us and talked about how we should never get in another person’s “bubble space” unless they ask us to or we ask them and they say yes.

We have also been talking about good choices/bad choices. She acknowledges she makes bad choices sometimes. I tell her that I do too, so does daddy, so does everyone! Since we are Christian, we also teach her that that’s why we need Jesus. He helps us stop making bad choices and takes the bad choices we do make and gets rid of them for us.

Her response (how cute is this!?) was: “Jesus takes our bad choices and-kachunk-throws them in Heaven’s garbage can!”

I’m going back and forth on work: to work full time/put Lexi in full time daycare; not work; work part time-if so, where….

Ha! I’m ready for things to just settle down and things are about to get crazy with the holidays!


Well, after a week of bouncing around my parents’ house, friend’s house, etc. to find heat and power I am finally home and the power is on. Let’s hope it stays.

Today I plan to clean/vacuum/dust from all the Sandy leaves and mud tracked in, try to find our winter coats since it suddenly got cold, down into the 30’s at night, get overdue laundry done and try to catch up on phone calls and rescheduling appointments that were missed due to Sandy.

Lexi and I may go out later for a Target run.

I am down to one pair of pajama pants and when they are being washed….I’ve got nothing! So, I may pick up some PJ pants and slippers for winter. I’ve been wanting a robe too, so I’ll check those out too.

Lexi needs slippers for winter as well.

A friend with a daughter Lexi’s age may come over later since they still don’t have heat, the girls can play and us moms can visit.

A nice, comfy, cozy home day.

Bragging About my Kid

 I hope to do NoJoMo this year so figured I’d better start warming up!

This entry is pure adoration and awe at my kid. Feel free to skip ahead. 😉

1. Last week Art and I went to get our fingerprints re-done since 2nd adoption has not happened yet. Lexi was with it. She is intensely curious about EVERYTHING and was fascinated by the process. The fingerprinting guy was very nice and let Lexi put her fingers on the screen to see her fingerprints. He then said, "wow." Turns out Lexi has a very rare fingerprint(s). Most people have 1-2 different designs (sworl, arch, tent, etc.). Each of Lexi’s four fingers had a different pattern. The guy said, "this is very rare. I’ve been doing this for over 20 years and only ever seen one or two other cases of this." I knew God made her unique, now there’s physical proof! 

That was a week ago. Today she started playing, "fingerprint guy." She told me to come to the actual name of the street the real office was on. How she knew that or even remembered it is anyone’s guess! Her bedroom was the "fingerprint office." She had me put my fingers on her book and scanned them. Then said to me, "you have a tent and a double loop!" Again, I have no idea how she remembered the different designs! 

2. Lexi. as I said, is very curious about how things are made. Daily, literally, she asks me "how are _____made?" Fill in the blank with everything from cars to Band-Aids to books to iPads. She even asks "How are babies made?" But that’s for later. MUCH later. A few friends suggested I show her the sci-fi show How It’s Made. She liked it, of course. But then after said, "ok, but how do they make the machines that make those things?" I know, as her mama, that I think she’s awesome…but this is awesome! Her never ending spiral as she links things together and is constantly trying to figure everything out awes me. I should have known she was going to be a curious, bright kid when she began to read at 18 months. 

3. And, her curiosity finally brought me to a place I didn’t think I’d have to be for, I don’t know, at least another 7 years! Today she asked, "How did God make me?" So I talked about him putting her together in Sreymom’s belly (her birthmother) how he made her bones and muscles, skin and organs. She persisted, however, and said. "I know that..but Mommy… did God put me IN Sreymom’s belly? How did I get there?" I tried changing the subject…but she kept re-directing right back to "how did I get in there?" Luckily, we just pulled into our driveway and the promise of a yummy snack once we got inside finally got her off that track. I know her, though, and she’s going to ask again in a few days. When a question is not answered, she will NOT let it go till she gets an answer. I have no idea how to explain this to a three year old. 

4. First parent/teacher conference as a parent tomorrow at her preschool. She’s only been going for a couple weeks, so don’t know how much they’ll have to tell me, but should be interesting. 



Flotsam and Jetsam

  •  we started an adoption fundraiser. But with adoption costs around $30,000 and being a one income family, we’ll take all the help we can get. If you want to donate, you can through using my email address
  • We’re asking people to donate $3.16 after John 3:16 in the Bible, its on facebook, if you know me there
  • at Target today we were shopping for underwear and Lexi says, "When I’m a mommy, even I can wear a bra!?" with such excitement. Sorry to burst your bubble kid, but when you are a mommy you will look forward to the end of the day when you can take that thing OFF! 
  • Went in to Target for TWO things: underwear for me and for Lex. Yeah. Came out with a basket full of stuff. What IS it about Target!?
  • We recently (today!) switched Lex’s preschool. She had been going to a local one with GREAT reviews and wonderful teachers, but…it was mostly play with some lessons thrown in around shapes, letters, numbers, feelings, etc. Which is exactly what preschool for three year old’s should be. But we feel it wasn’t a good match for Lexi. This is a GREAT school, just not one that fits right now. Since she knows all the basics, can read, do basic addition, we felt like we were paying $$ every month for her just to….play with the same toys she has at home. 
  • We switched her over to a Montessori school. 
  • Lexi will be challenged to work on tasks at the Montessori school that she wouldn’t in the other school. But, since its NOT just playing, I hope she adjusts without too much of a fight. She only went to the other school 3 days (1 week) so it’s not like we had a lot of time invested. 
  • How cool is this!? We told Montessori that we had already paid for September at the other preschool, so wouldn’t start Lexi until October to not waste money. The director said, "we want her and its best for her to be here. We will waive September’s tuition, no money due till Oct. 1." Wow!!! Things like that (and other things like the owner and director returning our calls, even after school hours) lead us to believe they do care about the children. Yes, it is a business, yes, they want to make money…but you can tell they truly do love what they do and love educating kids. The teachers there have been there YEARS, which says a lot!
  • Lexi had a nightmare the other night, it was strange. You wonder how their little brains work, you know? She woke up crying and said to me, "Why are the wolves chasing me?" When she woke up all the way I told her there were no wolves, mommy’s here and she said, "So, there are no wolves in the kitchen waiting to chase me?" Where did wolves in the kitchen come from!?
  • Going to a women’s day retreat at my church tomorrow: Beth Moore! So excited!
  • off to bed!

Poop Cakes

Remember when I was all mad that Lexi was pulling a power play with getting potty trained?

And how I thought it would NEVER happen?
Well, um, sorry, I forgot to mention this…but right after that entry I just got tough and realized I was under the thumb of a 36′ tyrant.

So, we went cold turkey. No more “do you want underwear or a diaper today?”

It was underwear, except for sleeping at night. Period.

When Miss Thing started to fuss and whine, ask for demand a diaper to pee in I just ignore her. Flat out walked away. Went into another room. Shut the door if I had to. But that was it.
I remained calm, repeating “No. Pee goes in the potty” about a bazillion times a day.

When she realized that I meant business, was not giving in to the pee tantrums anymore, she…well, she was trained. Done.

From that day on she’s been 100% (pee) potty trained. She’s had one or two accidents when she waited to long to go and she couldn’t hold it anymore, but that’s it. I don’t even bring extra clothes/underwear out with me anymore. She’s done.

Amazing how my stubborn (and smart) kid gave up when I became the dictator, huh!?
Now, poop, that’s another story. She’s had poop issues for awhile. Even way before potty training, she’d sometimes hold it in for so long that she’d get constipated/need Pedia-Lax.

She just doesn’t like to poop.

So, since she still was getting a diaper for bed my clever girl figured a way out of having to poop on the potty. She would do one of two things: 1) Go poop as soon as she woke up, before we’d had a chance to take her diaper off or 2. Go as soon as her night time diaper was put on…necessitating a diaper change.
Since then, she’s very deliberate. She says she has to poop, asks for a diaper, goes to a specific corner of her room, asks me to leave for “privacy,” poops, then calls out to me, “I’m done!”

So, I realize she’s now at that power play stage with poop that she was with pee.

I got rid of the night time diapers and have pull-ups which we call “sleeping underwear.” We explained you can’t poop in sleeping underwear.
She asked if we could get more diapers. I said no. She was silent for a minute…and hasn’t pooped since. So, she got a Pedia-Lax today and I’m sure once that takes effect and she has no choice about pooping it will be drama over here for a day or so.

But I also know, from past experience with her, that the drama after a few days will go away and she’ll be poop potty trained.

Now, the store where we grocery shop has this amazing bakery. And they make these teeny, tiny little cakes, all decorated beautifully and in bright kid colors with little plastic toys on top.

Every week when we shop she begs and pleads for one because they are just so darn CUTE.

So (don’t judge me!) I….well….I told her they were “poop cakes” that the store makes for people who poop on the potty. That when she does that she gets to pick one out and eat the whole thing (these things are TINY, maybe the size of a muffin). I may even buy one for me, you know, since I poop on the potty, and eat it while she watches, but only if the drama drags on.

So, Operation P.I.T.T. (Poop In The Toilet) has begun!

Throw me a life preserver!

If you read my last entry, you know things have been tough here for a little while.

The financial stuff keeps getting tighter and tighter. I may have to go back to work full time in the fall. I’ve got my resume out to a few school districts in the area. This also means putting Lexi in preschool/after care all day, 5 days a week or some kind of preschool and Daddy stay at home/work during the night mix.

PLUS (I am not making this up) as if the stuff before wasn’t enough, we got a call last week that my other brother, Paul, suffered a minor stroke, which is a blood clot in the brain, just a few months after my brother Neil suffered emergency surgery from blood clots. Both brothers were found to have ASD (arterial septal defect) which is what caused the strokes and blood clots. It’s basically a hole in the heart.
And it’s genetic.

So, I need to be tested. A lot of tests like echo cardiagram, stress test, something called PVR, ultrasounds of my legs to detect any blood clots forming, etc. Which will all be around $3000. And my insurance only covers around $500 of it.
Did I mention if I have this defect I could have a blood clot or stroke and die or be reduced to incapacity like my brother Neil?
So, having these tests and taking the measures I need to take if I have ASD are non-negotiable.
But the money is simply not there.

Every day I just lean on God and know He has a plan in all this. What the plan is, I have NO idea. But I’m going to trust Him anyway.
This is temporary! The financial stuff, the medical stuff is just a bad patch in our lives.

A year from now we’ll look back at this rough time and say, “whoa. only with God’s help did we make it through.”
I thank God for my dear friends who have been praying for me and letting me vent and whine and cry with them as we go through this.

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